I could really use a stiff drink

Hi Everyone

I introduced myself in a thread now off in vapor land, regarding eCurrency.

Well, I'm hoping nobody will mind a little further introduction... and possibly some inkling into what brings me here.

All I really want to do is spend time with my family. Call me crazy but my wife is my best friend in the world, and watching my children grow up is something I can't seem to find enough time to do. I'm tied to the corporate world, and I'm in a profession that I never chose and don't want.

I wasn't a terribly good student. School was boring. I went through high-school and college. Got a BA in literature, hardly without cracking a book. My first job after school was a xerox guy in the mailroom of a lawfirm. Hard edged people there that sometimes seemed heartless to me. I left and wound up working as the receptionist in a small medical place. When the boss's computer died, I fixed it. Next thing I knew I was in the computer field and you know what? I don't even really like computers.

I never really paid attention to what I liked or didn't... just so long as I had a house, my family was provided for and we had laughter and love.

But after a while, you think, "I really want to do more for my family."

Now, I'm a self-proclaimed doofus. I got involved in Nu Skin and took a bath on that one. My dad bailed me out and I'm horribly embarrassed to this day. Then I got into reading the Wall Street Money Machine and tried a couple of trades. Doubled my 150 bucks on one trade and lost 300 on another. So much for my initial investment. I still can't make up my mind on Wade Cook...

I just want to believe that I can finally find that independent money to free me from this trap of working for something I couldn't care less about. Maa Maw would slap me with a petrified brownie and tell me that my dreams are making me into a gullible danger to myself and others. I know... but that dream has got to be out there someplace? Right? Please?

I got involved in ACN and did "ok" to the tune of about 3500. when the company I was working for folded.... it actually kept me afloat. I got out of ACN when I realized I was being pressured to attend their big seminar in Florida for 5,000.... and as an unemployed and struggling person it was too much. I used to listen to the 11pm phone call which was the same shtick every night... and drink about 10 glasses of boxed wine to get through it. (blech... )

The thing is... I don't really even care about the hard work or any of it. I work hard now and its not making ME rich. I just know that working day in and day out for decent pay isn't going to get me what I really want... time to spend with my wife and children... time to make music (I'm a guitarist) and time to watch the splendor of the world around me.

I feel like a spoiled person. I've been very lucky. I live in a beautiful house, have a beautiful family, have seen the world (my current job has me travelling abroad a few times a year) and I'm in a church that I am really starting to dig. Why am I spoiled? Because I'm obviously fundamentally lazy. I don't want to keep working day in and day out. I want to get a big load of money and kick back and enjoy life. I write that and I really feel like I don't deserve it.

I mentioned before that my company folded just before I got into ACN. Yeah, it did. I watched us grow from 60 to 400 over a few months. It was a dot com. One day we went from 400 to 80 in a few hours. The tears... the pain people felt... the idea that the suits upstairs had recruited people one day and fired them the next week... it sickened me. Over the next three years we laid off people month after month... then hired others... it was a nightmare... until the day I got laid off too... then rehired to help fold the company up. The lies they told us... over and over. "Your jobs are safe." What utter B.S.!

My present company was wonderful. We have a staff that hardly has anyone employed less than 10 years. Well.. until the other day.

The morning after we laid off many of those long-term employees, I was on my exercise bike. Watching infomercials. Why can't I just NOT believe in those things?

I looked up Carlton Sheets on the internet that day at work. I mean, maybe there is a Real Estate program that can make me some BIG money fast?

Mazu did a review on him... and that led me to read the eCurrency thing. I just want to believe it. I want that BlueBird of proseperity to set up camp in my wallet.

Then I was led here. Now, to be very honest... I have to apologize for writing so much but at least I'm partially purged at this point.

I just feel that the world doesn't have a place for a guy like me. I'm selfish enough to want that financial freedom. I'm stupid enough to believe its out there someplace. I'm foolish enough to try something like eCurrency and I don't understand it.

I'm going to be 65 years old, bitter that I never found it and retire on a basic life of suffering for the tyranny of self-proclaimed kings in the corporate world... having made them rich...

and something just doesn't sit right with me about that.

thanks for reading, and my sincerest apologies about the length.