Big Buttons, Attack of the jargonites

My gut tells me that you will probably lose 80%+ of the people before they even get to reading the meat of your offer.

1. The Web Development graphic and big buttons are not part of your sales letter, but they are using up a huge chunk of your most valuable and eye catching real estate. Maybe 50% of the people landing on the page probably click one of those buttons, or think they're supposed to, with reading the letter (or just reading the headline and think hmm.. that's off-topic)

Put the buttons/links elsewhere.

If my 50% of people lost so far is right, you now have only 50% of people still reading.

2. The headline is non-specific and going to people more people off, including some who maybe qualified.

"Give Me 2 Hours and I will Show You How To Make an Extra $500 Every Month"

How?

MLM? Cutting lawns? Selling vacuum cleaners door to door?

Yes I know you explain further down, but with this kind of offer people often tend to assume the worst, particularly when it continues in non-specific fashion:

"Wouldn't it be GREAT to have someone in Truro take you by the hand and show you excatly how to do it?"

My guess is that you lose about 50% of the remaining 50% here, leaving you only 25% reading.

(By the way it's EXACTLY - check your spelling)

If it was me, I'd rewrite the headlines to include something at the outset that they're doing it from home, with a computer, and on the Internet.

(You might also consider pitching the offer to mention they learn to build their own web site. For some people that is exciting/attractive even without the make-money aspect).

3. First few sentences of the intro.

jargon: "info product", "ClickBank", "eBook"

They may be fine if selling to the web-savvy. But do you think novices whom this product is aimed at, will know what they mean without any explanation (BTW I could say the same for the bullet pointed list of features further down - and surely the most important bullet point "Create your own web site" is ommitted).

If you lose 50% of the remaining 25% because of the jargon in first few sentences, you're down to 12.5% reading.

Another hmmm word: "service professional". I don't know, but this doesn't seem like the right word.

4. I think the most important point is your local, you'll hold their hand, etc., etc., and that is what you should emphasize more, throught out, and at every opportunity.