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FIB - Scams 101 - Ye Olde Archives
Posted By: Nathan Haines <NathanHaines@xrs.net> In Response To: and on a lighter note (Bill Cornelius)
Sunday, 18 December 2005, at 5:52 a.m.
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> TO: All Employees
> DATE: October 01, 2003
> RE: Christmas Party
> I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place
> on December 23, starting at noon in the private function room at the
> Grill House. There will be a cash bar and plenty of drinks! We'll have a
> small band playing traditional carols...feel free to sing along. And
> don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus! A
> Christmas tree will be lit at 1:00pm. Exchange of gifts among employees
> can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10.00 to make
> the giving of gifts easy for everyone's pockets. This gathering is only
> for employees! Our CEO will make a special announcement at that time!
> Merry Christmas to you and your family.
> Patty
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> TO: All Employees
> DATE: October 02, 2003
> RE: Holiday Party
> In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees.
> We recognize that Chanukah is an important holiday, which often
> coincides with Christmas, though unfortunately not this year. However,
> from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same
> policy
> applies to any other employees who are not Christians or those still
> celebrating Reconciliation Day. There will be no Christmas tree present.
> No Christmas carols sung. We will have other types of music for your
> enjoyment.
> Happy now?
> Happy Holidays to you and your family.
> Patty
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> TO: All Employees
> DATE: October 03, 2003
> RE: Holiday Party
> Regarding the note I received from a member of Alcoholics Anonymous
> requesting a non-drinking table . you didn't sign your name. I'm happy
> to accommodate this request, but if I put a sign on a table that reads,
> "AA Only"; you wouldn't be anonymous anymore. How am I supposed
> to
> handle this?
> Somebody?
> Forget about the gifts exchange, no gifts exchange are allowed since the
> union members feel that $10.00 is too much money and executives believe
> $10.00 is a little chintzy.
> NO GIFTS EXCHANGE WILL BE ALLOWED.
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> To: All Employees
> DATE: October 04, 2003
> RE: Holiday Party
> What a diverse group we are! I had no idea that December 20 begins the
> Muslim holy month of Ramadan, which forbids eating and drinking during
> daylight hours. There goes the party! Seriously, we can appreciate how a
> luncheon at this time of year does not accommodate our Muslim employees'
> beliefs. Perhaps the Grill House can hold off on serving your meal until
> the end of the party- or else package everything for you to take it home
> in little foil doggy baggy. Will that work? Meanwhile, I've arranged for
> members of Weight Watchers to sit farthest from the dessert buffet and
> pregnant women will get the table closest to the restrooms. Gays are
> allowed to sit with each other. Lesbians do not have to sit with Gay
> men, each will have their own table. Yes, there will be flower
> arrangement for the Gay men's table. To the person asking permission to
> cross dress, no cross-dressing allowed though. We will have booster
> seats for short people. Low-fat food will be available for those on a
> diet. We cannot control the salt used in the food we suggest for those
> people with high blood pressure to taste first. There will be fresh
> fruits as dessert for Diabetics, the restaurant cannot supply "No
> Sugar"
> desserts. Sorry!
> Did I miss anything?!?!?
> Patty
> FROM: Patty Lewis, Human Resources Director
> TO: All DAM* Employees
> DATE: October 05, 2003
> RE: The DAM* Holiday Party
> Vegetarian pricks I've had it with you people!!! We're going to keep
> this party at the Grill House whether you like it or not, so you can sit
> quietly at the table furthest from the "grill of death," as you
> so
> quaintly put it, and you'll get your f**king salad bar, including
> organic tomatoes. But you know, tomatoes have feelings, too. They scream
> when you slice them. I've heard them scream. I'm hearing them scream
> right NOW! I hope you all have a rotten holiday! Drive drunk and die,
> The Bi*ch from HE LL!!!!!!!!
> FROM: Joan Bishop, Acting Human Resources Director
> DATE: October 06, 2003
> RE: Patty Lewis and Holiday Party
> I'm sure I speak for all of us in wishing Patty Lewis a speedy recovery
> and I'll continue to forward your cards to her. In the meantime,
> management has decided to cancel our Holiday Party and give everyone the
> afternoon of the 23rd off with full pay.
> Happy Holidays
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